“Don’t should on yourself.”
Matt Atkins, Pastor, teaching at Slingshot Mexico 2004.
As the over-responsible oldest of six children (read: second parent), a Christian missionary representing an international organization, and an administratively gifted leader from a task-oriented culture who has always felt the pressure of others’ high expectations of me, I am a classic candidate for the Should Syndrome. I have a hard time releasing others and myself from the stringent guidelines of the Sarah Koopmans Life Rule Book.
If I were to make a comparative list, after the style of a pros and cons list but with the column headings “Should” and “Want”, it would look something like this:
Should
1. Obey all Traffic Rules to the letter as if my driving instructor was in the car with me
2. Not swear
3. Not drink
4. Be on time
5. Cover up everything when choosing my clothes
6. Raise my hands during worship at church
7. Close my eyes when praying
8. Be polite (and shallow?) always
9. Always work quickly and efficiently, anticipating and avoiding problems
Want
1. Signal only when absolutely necessary, speed a bit, cross the center lines when turning into a lane if I need to
2. Swear a bit, when applicable
3. Drink to remember, not to forget
4. Late happens
5. Have fun, not be afraid to highlight my femininity
6. Do whatever my God-given creativity inspires me to do right at that moment
7. Focus on communing with God, however that needs to be at that moment
8. Be real
9. Do the best I can
You can imagine how the list would continue, I’m sure, and you are probably thinking of things that would be on your own list. Yeah, that means I believe you have your own Life Rule Book with its own implied rewards and consequences.
It is my observation that “the world” (meaning those that don’t subscribe to the term “Christian”) sees only our “Should” lists when they think of “Christians” in general, whereas “Christians” in general strive to eliminate the “Want” list from our lives, at the risk of losing our testimony to that same “world”, or perhaps our salvation.
Can you see why trying to decide between these two credos could induce stress? I’m so desperate to live in the freedom of Christ, while at the same time walking the traditional cultural tightrope I’ve believed myself subject to for most of my twenty-five years. No wonder the concept of grace mystifies and thrills me—most of my experience is with the abrasive straightjacket of the law, with the “Shoulds”. My thought process is usually, “I’d like to…. But I really should….”, and often, the “should” ends up weighing more on my moral balance.
The apostle Paul’s statement, “Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial” (1 Cor 10:23) has given me an escape from many “should-ing” attempts, but because I’m not free of the fear of man, it’s very difficult to live freely when being observed by people that I know come from a similar tradition or culture. In fact, I feel more freedom when surrounded by “the world” than many groups of “Christians”.
I don’t have a precise, packaged solution to present to you, only the rawness of my doubts and disputing thoughts and reactions. Publicizing these thoughts is my commitment to make a concentrated effort to stop the “should” shower that threatens to rain out the parade of joy and freedom God gave me when me promised me eternal life and called me his own.
I’ve got the Should Syndrome. Are you susceptible?
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Sunday, June 4, 2006
MuSiNgS... Caramelized Generosity
Subtle jazz provides an inspiring background here at O’s Bistro, an artsy gourmet restaurant in Kona, Hawaii. I’m stuffed full of Pear Gorgonzola Salad with pecans and blue cheese, and a dessert of crème brûlée. The contents of my stomach are swimming after small glasses each of a delicious ginger lemonade, refreshing lilikoi iced tea, and delectable iced chai tea, all garnished with mint leaves.
You are perhaps wondering how I justify gourmet lunches on finances supplied by willing donors. I am gratified to divulge that a new acquaintance, which I barely know, and who also gallantly waited on me, refused to let me pay for the meal.
D and his wife were two of the thirteen people that I had the pleasure of serving a seven-course French meal less than a week ago. A friend and I were assistants to the chef, a wonderful godly man who was also the host of the event, which was “Blessing Night”, the culmination of a series of dinners and conversations between that group, with the purpose of training them in the art of evangelism.
After a few hours spent rinsing and chopping vegetables and fruit, wiping dishes and silver, and making other preparations, the guests arrived and took their places at the elegantly laid table. We began by serving them an aperitif of garlic bread with artichoke hearts, asiago cheese, kalamata olive tapenade and a dash of paprika. That was followed by a spinach salad, then salmon garnished with lemon, followed by wild mushroom puff pastry. The main course was of grilled pepper steak, potatoes, and baked asparagus. A course of Brie, Swiss, French goat, and Roquefort cheeses, served with slices of baguette, followed this. Baked chocolate pudding garnished with whipped cream and sliced strawberries was for dessert, then tea was served afterwards. The digestif? Homemade vanilla bean liqueur.
DW, the chef and host, prepared the next course while his guests were eating one, and my friend and I filled and served the plates, washed them between courses, and made sure the wine and water glasses were always filled. As far as we were concerned, we were helping DW, but we were surprised to find that his guests were possibly blessed as much by our willing service as they were by DW’s food and hospitality. Now, when we see these people, they greet us with glowing faces and offer their friendship. I imagine they wonder how they merited such generosity.
But now, I wonder how I merited such a response as D has just bestowed upon me: I was only the willing heart that happened to be in that place at that time, and I also enjoyed the experience immensely. Yet such is the quality of generosity – it caramelizes human interaction into an unmitigatedly delicious experience, and its offspring are often doubly divine.
You are perhaps wondering how I justify gourmet lunches on finances supplied by willing donors. I am gratified to divulge that a new acquaintance, which I barely know, and who also gallantly waited on me, refused to let me pay for the meal.
D and his wife were two of the thirteen people that I had the pleasure of serving a seven-course French meal less than a week ago. A friend and I were assistants to the chef, a wonderful godly man who was also the host of the event, which was “Blessing Night”, the culmination of a series of dinners and conversations between that group, with the purpose of training them in the art of evangelism.
After a few hours spent rinsing and chopping vegetables and fruit, wiping dishes and silver, and making other preparations, the guests arrived and took their places at the elegantly laid table. We began by serving them an aperitif of garlic bread with artichoke hearts, asiago cheese, kalamata olive tapenade and a dash of paprika. That was followed by a spinach salad, then salmon garnished with lemon, followed by wild mushroom puff pastry. The main course was of grilled pepper steak, potatoes, and baked asparagus. A course of Brie, Swiss, French goat, and Roquefort cheeses, served with slices of baguette, followed this. Baked chocolate pudding garnished with whipped cream and sliced strawberries was for dessert, then tea was served afterwards. The digestif? Homemade vanilla bean liqueur.
DW, the chef and host, prepared the next course while his guests were eating one, and my friend and I filled and served the plates, washed them between courses, and made sure the wine and water glasses were always filled. As far as we were concerned, we were helping DW, but we were surprised to find that his guests were possibly blessed as much by our willing service as they were by DW’s food and hospitality. Now, when we see these people, they greet us with glowing faces and offer their friendship. I imagine they wonder how they merited such generosity.
But now, I wonder how I merited such a response as D has just bestowed upon me: I was only the willing heart that happened to be in that place at that time, and I also enjoyed the experience immensely. Yet such is the quality of generosity – it caramelizes human interaction into an unmitigatedly delicious experience, and its offspring are often doubly divine.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
MuSiNgS... Livin' la Vida Buena
In my last MuSiNgS (the money one), I mentioned enjoying the bounty in your barns. Now I want you to know that I’m serious—I didn’t just say that to give a perk to sacrificial giving!
What do I mean by enjoying your bounty? And yes, I do believe you can consider it your bounty because your Father the King created and owns the cattle on a thousand hills. However, the concept “possession is nine-tenths of the law” doesn’t apply here; “yours” is a very loose concept.
I believe that God gives us good things (Matt. 7:11), but we should be willing to give up our rights to those things, out of love for him, and hold loosely to them. After all, the things of this earth are only transitory, whereas our love for him will remain forever. Holding loosely to things that are fleeting breeds generosity—you will be so much more willing to give away something that you know is only in your possession for a time than something you feel you have long-term rights to.
So we’re back to the question: what does it mean to enjoy your bounty? I hope we don’t have to go into a theological debate about whether or not it’s ethical to enjoy things! There are those that think Christianity is boring because we don’t dance, we don’t drink, we don’t party, we don’t do anything “of the world”. There are so-called Christians who believe all that, too. If you’re of that camp, I invite you to show me where in the Bible it says a “Christian” can’t do any of those things and I’ll stand corrected.
The source of all life, joy, desire, and bliss is our Father! He created dancing! He created variety in music! He created the arts! He created wine to be enjoyed! Devotion to God does not translate into perpetual glumness! Living a life sold out for God does not mean you should take vows of poverty!
What does it mean to enjoy your bounty? Use your cell phone, iPod, laptop, plasma TV, espresso maker, or SUV. Take care of it. Treat it as if it were God’s, and remember that he may ask you to pass it on to one of your neighbors. Take $5 and hit up Starbucks for a caramel macchiato. Take $20 and go to the movies. Plan a trip and trust that your Father the King will help with the travel expenses. Buy a CD or a book—and keep your eyes open for friends that might want to borrow them (don’t worry if you don’t get them back).
I think (I hope) I’ve made myself clear. Reiteration: what you have isn’t yours, so use it in a way your father would delight in seeing you enjoy it, and remember that he’s your provider and knows the desires of your heart, so if you pass the goods on to someone else, you won’t be without good things yourself!
Get it? Got it? Good! Dare you to try it!
What do I mean by enjoying your bounty? And yes, I do believe you can consider it your bounty because your Father the King created and owns the cattle on a thousand hills. However, the concept “possession is nine-tenths of the law” doesn’t apply here; “yours” is a very loose concept.
I believe that God gives us good things (Matt. 7:11), but we should be willing to give up our rights to those things, out of love for him, and hold loosely to them. After all, the things of this earth are only transitory, whereas our love for him will remain forever. Holding loosely to things that are fleeting breeds generosity—you will be so much more willing to give away something that you know is only in your possession for a time than something you feel you have long-term rights to.
So we’re back to the question: what does it mean to enjoy your bounty? I hope we don’t have to go into a theological debate about whether or not it’s ethical to enjoy things! There are those that think Christianity is boring because we don’t dance, we don’t drink, we don’t party, we don’t do anything “of the world”. There are so-called Christians who believe all that, too. If you’re of that camp, I invite you to show me where in the Bible it says a “Christian” can’t do any of those things and I’ll stand corrected.
The source of all life, joy, desire, and bliss is our Father! He created dancing! He created variety in music! He created the arts! He created wine to be enjoyed! Devotion to God does not translate into perpetual glumness! Living a life sold out for God does not mean you should take vows of poverty!
What does it mean to enjoy your bounty? Use your cell phone, iPod, laptop, plasma TV, espresso maker, or SUV. Take care of it. Treat it as if it were God’s, and remember that he may ask you to pass it on to one of your neighbors. Take $5 and hit up Starbucks for a caramel macchiato. Take $20 and go to the movies. Plan a trip and trust that your Father the King will help with the travel expenses. Buy a CD or a book—and keep your eyes open for friends that might want to borrow them (don’t worry if you don’t get them back).
I think (I hope) I’ve made myself clear. Reiteration: what you have isn’t yours, so use it in a way your father would delight in seeing you enjoy it, and remember that he’s your provider and knows the desires of your heart, so if you pass the goods on to someone else, you won’t be without good things yourself!
Get it? Got it? Good! Dare you to try it!
Monday, April 10, 2006
MuSiNgS... The Service of Money
Money is a touchy subject—we all know we need it and some of us want more than we have and some of us have no idea what to do with the money we do have, and then there’s this whole Christians-should-give-God-some-of-it thing.
A woman shared with my DTS (Discipleship Training School) class that her family tithed exactly ten percent of everything God gave them, down to rice and beans. A pastor’s son told me that his father felt he didn’t need to tithe because he was in the ministry. I’ve heard some say that you must tithe to a church, and then give offerings to missions on top of that. Others stress the importance of giving God your first fruits, the first and best portion of what you receive.
They all use the Bible to support their beliefs.
I’ve tried pretty much all of the above (except counting rice and beans), and I’ve found that there is, indeed, a reward when you give of your money and possessions. Sometimes that reward is simply peace of mind that God has got my back—he pays for what he orders, after all!
In the last Old Testament book, Malachi, God challenges us to test him with our finances—the only thing he says we can test him in. Why? Not so that we can consider God our personal slot machine where we win every time (put in a quarter, win $200). No, I believe the challenge is first to shake up our thinking a bit, and then to see how relevant we believe God is in the area of our finances: “Could God up in Heaven really understand how badly I need to make my mortgage payment this month here on earth?” Lastly, I believe God would like us to participate in The Great Generosity Challenge. Playing instructions? Give out of your necessity. Give your last $20, even if you know you’re supposed to get groceries on your way home tonight. Help your neighbor instead of going to a movie. Lend your new iPod to a friend, and don’t obsess about getting it back. Write a check for $100 to that new ministry in town, even though it means you’ll have to wait twice as long as you have already waited to get those new shoes you need.
The moral of the story: Consider what should, in the eyes of the world, be most valuable to you as not yours at all, but God’s. Then, simply be a spiritual forklift operator, transferring when needed the bounty from your barns to those of another, as per the invoice received from the Holy Spirit. Don’t forget to enjoy the bounty that remains in your barn while it is there!
You will find yourself rich… in heart, soul, mind, and body.
A woman shared with my DTS (Discipleship Training School) class that her family tithed exactly ten percent of everything God gave them, down to rice and beans. A pastor’s son told me that his father felt he didn’t need to tithe because he was in the ministry. I’ve heard some say that you must tithe to a church, and then give offerings to missions on top of that. Others stress the importance of giving God your first fruits, the first and best portion of what you receive.
They all use the Bible to support their beliefs.
I’ve tried pretty much all of the above (except counting rice and beans), and I’ve found that there is, indeed, a reward when you give of your money and possessions. Sometimes that reward is simply peace of mind that God has got my back—he pays for what he orders, after all!
In the last Old Testament book, Malachi, God challenges us to test him with our finances—the only thing he says we can test him in. Why? Not so that we can consider God our personal slot machine where we win every time (put in a quarter, win $200). No, I believe the challenge is first to shake up our thinking a bit, and then to see how relevant we believe God is in the area of our finances: “Could God up in Heaven really understand how badly I need to make my mortgage payment this month here on earth?” Lastly, I believe God would like us to participate in The Great Generosity Challenge. Playing instructions? Give out of your necessity. Give your last $20, even if you know you’re supposed to get groceries on your way home tonight. Help your neighbor instead of going to a movie. Lend your new iPod to a friend, and don’t obsess about getting it back. Write a check for $100 to that new ministry in town, even though it means you’ll have to wait twice as long as you have already waited to get those new shoes you need.
The moral of the story: Consider what should, in the eyes of the world, be most valuable to you as not yours at all, but God’s. Then, simply be a spiritual forklift operator, transferring when needed the bounty from your barns to those of another, as per the invoice received from the Holy Spirit. Don’t forget to enjoy the bounty that remains in your barn while it is there!
You will find yourself rich… in heart, soul, mind, and body.
Thursday, April 6, 2006
MuSiNgS... Friend of God
Friend of God?
Supreme Being Seeks Human Interaction
Imagine. God: the Big Guy, the Man Upstairs, the Creator, the Great Spirit, the Mighty Gitchi Manitou. Seeking you out? You, a mere mortal, a transient, an ephemeral being. Here’s how I see it:
Companion. God is omnipresent. He’s always at my side. Even when my own sin and doubt clouds my vision, he remains faithful(1) and right where I left him. It’s more than that, though – I believe he yearns to spend time with me. I’m someone whose company he seeks out, someone with whom he wants to share experiences, both agreeable and disagreeable.
Soul-mate. I’m ideally suited to be God’s close friend. He created me with the ability to share thoughts with him, to appreciate him. I also possess an innate desire to relate to him with the deepest parts of me. In fact, if I’m not constantly communing with him, I’m left with a hunger, a longing for more.
Confidante. God wants to confide in me, to tell me the mysteries of his vast universe, to reveal his thoughts. “Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door will be opened unto you.”(2) With so much under Jehovah Jireh’s guardianship, I can imagine that those thoughts never cease to flow. They’re constant, complex, and unpredictable. Being God’s confidante isn’t an occasional thing – it’s something that could and perhaps should take up the majority of my time.
I am a friend of God: He calls me friend(3).
1-- 2 Timothy 2:11-13 (NIV), 2--Matthew7:7 (KJV), 3-- John 15:15
Thursday, March 16, 2006
MuSiNgS... Face Up To You
We are beings that were created to love beauty, to seek beauty, to want to create beauty. Beauty is something that runs deep in the soul of every person, something put in us by our Creator. I believe it is for this reason most of us can identify with the desire to have an attractive appearance, and why not? We are the crown of creation! One of the reasons we were created was to reflect God’s genius and creativity, his romantic side, and his own beauty.
At the same time, we feel torn, because our society has twisted the meaning of beauty and made it something selfish and superficial. We find ourselves battling the slanted perceptions that people get from commercials, ads, billboards, and magazines. We have come to understand that there are certain body shapes that are considered attractive and others that are not. It is common knowledge that, if your clothes and accessories and hairstyles aren’t recent, you’re not good enough.
All of these misconceptions are blows to our self-perception: there’s a lot to measure up to, and ostracism to suffer if you fall short! On top of all that, someone at some time came up with the concept of mocking (no, it wasn’t invented by what’s-his-name on the playground in fifth grade) and even if you think you’re doing well, it’s likely someone will tell you the opposite.
I tell you the truth: the sum and total of a person’s beauty and worth cannot be gauged by looking at them—it is something that grows from the inside out. I believe that having a beautiful soul will cause a person’s appearance to be attractive. The beauty that I find in people that are God-conscious has often struck me. In the five weeks I have been here in Kona, I have thought many times that there are a lot of “beautiful people” on campus. Even though I might not find everyone’s features especially appealing to me, everyone I have met wears a reflection of their soul’s beauty on their face, and it enthralls me!
It has only been in the last few years that I really began to take this truth to heart and apply it to me. Before I began to think of my soul, the seat of who I am, as beautiful, few people ever told me I was pretty. Rarely was I happy with my face or clothes or the way my hair looked, and I would never go out without makeup. I was not confident enough in myself to be comfortable in a group of people who were just superficially good-looking.
Now that I understand the truth about beauty, the days that I feel pretty are significantly more than the days I don’t. I am aware of how my face is different from other people’s faces, but now I see that as more of an advantage than a detriment. I revel in all of the gifts God has given me and all the ways that I am able to create God-inspired beauty, and I am confident that I have no reason to be ashamed.
A couple weeks ago, I felt like God was challenging me to break one more protective mask: makeup. Since then, I have only used mascara, if anything, and I feel liberated! Allowing God to be my beauty has totally rejuvenated the way I see me in the mirror.
So. You know this is coming: your turn. Will you take the challenge? Face up to you.
At the same time, we feel torn, because our society has twisted the meaning of beauty and made it something selfish and superficial. We find ourselves battling the slanted perceptions that people get from commercials, ads, billboards, and magazines. We have come to understand that there are certain body shapes that are considered attractive and others that are not. It is common knowledge that, if your clothes and accessories and hairstyles aren’t recent, you’re not good enough.
All of these misconceptions are blows to our self-perception: there’s a lot to measure up to, and ostracism to suffer if you fall short! On top of all that, someone at some time came up with the concept of mocking (no, it wasn’t invented by what’s-his-name on the playground in fifth grade) and even if you think you’re doing well, it’s likely someone will tell you the opposite.
I tell you the truth: the sum and total of a person’s beauty and worth cannot be gauged by looking at them—it is something that grows from the inside out. I believe that having a beautiful soul will cause a person’s appearance to be attractive. The beauty that I find in people that are God-conscious has often struck me. In the five weeks I have been here in Kona, I have thought many times that there are a lot of “beautiful people” on campus. Even though I might not find everyone’s features especially appealing to me, everyone I have met wears a reflection of their soul’s beauty on their face, and it enthralls me!
It has only been in the last few years that I really began to take this truth to heart and apply it to me. Before I began to think of my soul, the seat of who I am, as beautiful, few people ever told me I was pretty. Rarely was I happy with my face or clothes or the way my hair looked, and I would never go out without makeup. I was not confident enough in myself to be comfortable in a group of people who were just superficially good-looking.
Now that I understand the truth about beauty, the days that I feel pretty are significantly more than the days I don’t. I am aware of how my face is different from other people’s faces, but now I see that as more of an advantage than a detriment. I revel in all of the gifts God has given me and all the ways that I am able to create God-inspired beauty, and I am confident that I have no reason to be ashamed.
A couple weeks ago, I felt like God was challenging me to break one more protective mask: makeup. Since then, I have only used mascara, if anything, and I feel liberated! Allowing God to be my beauty has totally rejuvenated the way I see me in the mirror.
So. You know this is coming: your turn. Will you take the challenge? Face up to you.
Thursday, March 2, 2006
MuSiNgS... My Fickle Heart
Ah my fickle heart!
When I need God’s love the most, I find myself running after all of the beautiful things (and people) around me. They are things that God created, but he never meant for me to yearn for them more than I yearn for him. In fact, I believe he hopes to use his creation to direct us toward him, to lead us to want to know the creator of such beauty.
I am growing to know God’s splendor more and more, yet still my fickle heart beats faster for tangible but fleeting beauty. It’s as if I think that anything that could cause me to thrill just by looking at it, or at the thought of it, should be worthy of my devotion. And that seems to happen less often with God than with other things or people.
If, in a clear-headed moment, I catch my thoughts wandering, then I begin to cry out to my lover-God. I confess that my thoughts are errant and would he please help me re-direct them! I couldn’t even get through writing this without being distracted several times!
I’m sure I’m not the only one who struggles like this, so pray with me:
When I need God’s love the most, I find myself running after all of the beautiful things (and people) around me. They are things that God created, but he never meant for me to yearn for them more than I yearn for him. In fact, I believe he hopes to use his creation to direct us toward him, to lead us to want to know the creator of such beauty.
I am growing to know God’s splendor more and more, yet still my fickle heart beats faster for tangible but fleeting beauty. It’s as if I think that anything that could cause me to thrill just by looking at it, or at the thought of it, should be worthy of my devotion. And that seems to happen less often with God than with other things or people.
If, in a clear-headed moment, I catch my thoughts wandering, then I begin to cry out to my lover-God. I confess that my thoughts are errant and would he please help me re-direct them! I couldn’t even get through writing this without being distracted several times!
I’m sure I’m not the only one who struggles like this, so pray with me:
God, direct my heart towards you and through you at all times. Cause me to revel in your beautiful creation, but only with the purpose of giving glory to you instead of to myself. I understand that I share in your glory and that you created me to partake of the beauty of your earth, but help me to remember to worship you with my thoughts and perceptions, and not myself or others.
Friday, February 24, 2006
MuSiNgS... Old Habits Die Hard
For a year and a half before coming to Kona, I knew that God was calling me to this beautiful place. Reading articles that mentioned Kona or University of the Nations in the YWAMer magazine, or on websites, or even advertisements about this place would cause tears to well up in my eyes.
In fact, in April 2005 when the Operation:John team decided that Kona should be our operations location, I knew it to be true already – to me, there wasn’t even a question!
Then, for the past year and a half or more, I have been telling people that I would likely be moving to Kona, then that I was planning to move to Kona, then that I was for sure moving to Kona. And then I finally did it! It actually happened – God came through! When I first arrived to Kona earlier this month, I was flying high. I was so eager to get to Kona and to move on to my next mission that, in the worst weather of the winter, I braved the back roads (Highways were closed) because I wouldn’t turn back!
Now that I’ve been U of N Kona staff for three weeks, I find myself feeling the same old frustrations I used to feel in Monterrey, even though the people and environment here are totally different! I have never questioned whether or not I should be here… my long-ago tears sealed Kona in my heart. I know I have come home. And yet… I’m fighting the flesh still and again.
How could that be?
Without giving you the trite response one would usually give in this situation, that we are all human beings that fall short of the glory of God and struggle with our sin natures, here’s my personal reality check:
Life is a constant learning process (PBPWMGNFWMY*).
I retain the same personality God originally gave me (some things will always annoy me).
My soul’s enemy will try to convince me that everyone else is to blame for my unhappiness.
My response to irritating or adverse circumstances is my responsibility alone.
Relationships don’t grow or improve through accusations and huffy remarks.
Humility does cause growth and improvement in relationships (not an easy solution).
…(you get the picture)
So, to keep me humble, to maintain healthy relationships, and to win this particular battle against my enemy, I have some apologies to ask.
*Please Be Patient With Me God’s Not Finished With Me Yet
In fact, in April 2005 when the Operation:John team decided that Kona should be our operations location, I knew it to be true already – to me, there wasn’t even a question!
Then, for the past year and a half or more, I have been telling people that I would likely be moving to Kona, then that I was planning to move to Kona, then that I was for sure moving to Kona. And then I finally did it! It actually happened – God came through! When I first arrived to Kona earlier this month, I was flying high. I was so eager to get to Kona and to move on to my next mission that, in the worst weather of the winter, I braved the back roads (Highways were closed) because I wouldn’t turn back!
Now that I’ve been U of N Kona staff for three weeks, I find myself feeling the same old frustrations I used to feel in Monterrey, even though the people and environment here are totally different! I have never questioned whether or not I should be here… my long-ago tears sealed Kona in my heart. I know I have come home. And yet… I’m fighting the flesh still and again.
How could that be?
Without giving you the trite response one would usually give in this situation, that we are all human beings that fall short of the glory of God and struggle with our sin natures, here’s my personal reality check:
Life is a constant learning process (PBPWMGNFWMY*).
I retain the same personality God originally gave me (some things will always annoy me).
My soul’s enemy will try to convince me that everyone else is to blame for my unhappiness.
My response to irritating or adverse circumstances is my responsibility alone.
Relationships don’t grow or improve through accusations and huffy remarks.
Humility does cause growth and improvement in relationships (not an easy solution).
…(you get the picture)
So, to keep me humble, to maintain healthy relationships, and to win this particular battle against my enemy, I have some apologies to ask.
*Please Be Patient With Me God’s Not Finished With Me Yet
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
MuSiNgS... Shower Confessional
My shower knows me better than anyone. If my shower walls could talk, oh the tales they’d tell of my secrets—secret loves, undisclosed grudges, passionate moments of worship, physical imperfections, and the unknown reasons why I take such long showers!
There’s something undeniably exhilarating about being naked behind a curtain, alone in a room with running water to muffle your clamorous thoughts, especially if no one else is home. You can simply be! No pressure to perform, no one to impress. Whispered prayers don’t garner you curious looks from your housemates. You can dance giddily and gleefully, although not always noisily.
The various showers in the places I have called home have seen a side of me that no human has. They have been my prayer closets, my dance floors, my sanctuaries, and my staid confessionals. I have lived some of my weakest and some of my strongest moments behind shower curtains.
A familiar worship song says, “In the secret, in the quiet place, in the stillness, you are there. In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait, only for you, for I want to know you more.” When I am living in the middle of a city, with no way to get to a “quiet place”, the shower is my substitute. It is my secret place.
Do you have a secret place? Do you have a secret that should really go beyond your shower? Have you ever lingered under the hot water for a few moments to revel in God’s engaging presence (no, doesn’t hide from our nudity)? Would you be brave enough to seek God in a secret place others may deem “irreverent”?
Don’t forget, however, that one goes into a quiet place to get rejuvenated before heading back out to face “real” life with fresh vision! Then there’s also the hot water bill to consider…
Summary
If my shower walls could talk, oh the tales they’d tell of my secrets—secret loves, undisclosed grudges, passionate moments of worship, physical imperfections, and the unknown reasons why I take such long showers!
I have lived some of my weakest and some of my strongest moments behind shower curtains.
It is my secret place.
Do you have a secret place?
There’s something undeniably exhilarating about being naked behind a curtain, alone in a room with running water to muffle your clamorous thoughts, especially if no one else is home. You can simply be! No pressure to perform, no one to impress. Whispered prayers don’t garner you curious looks from your housemates. You can dance giddily and gleefully, although not always noisily.
The various showers in the places I have called home have seen a side of me that no human has. They have been my prayer closets, my dance floors, my sanctuaries, and my staid confessionals. I have lived some of my weakest and some of my strongest moments behind shower curtains.
A familiar worship song says, “In the secret, in the quiet place, in the stillness, you are there. In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait, only for you, for I want to know you more.” When I am living in the middle of a city, with no way to get to a “quiet place”, the shower is my substitute. It is my secret place.
Do you have a secret place? Do you have a secret that should really go beyond your shower? Have you ever lingered under the hot water for a few moments to revel in God’s engaging presence (no, doesn’t hide from our nudity)? Would you be brave enough to seek God in a secret place others may deem “irreverent”?
Don’t forget, however, that one goes into a quiet place to get rejuvenated before heading back out to face “real” life with fresh vision! Then there’s also the hot water bill to consider…
Summary
If my shower walls could talk, oh the tales they’d tell of my secrets—secret loves, undisclosed grudges, passionate moments of worship, physical imperfections, and the unknown reasons why I take such long showers!
I have lived some of my weakest and some of my strongest moments behind shower curtains.
It is my secret place.
Do you have a secret place?
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
MuSiNgS... The Voice of Adventure
Last night, after a busy day, I got home to my dorm, sat down, and opened Max Lucado’s devotional book, Grace For The Moment and read the day’s excerpt, titled “Voice of Adventure”. I’d like to share it with you:
God isn’t safe! But he’s good! He’s not a librarian—he’s a lion! I believe that God offers us chances to trust him even when things don’t appear safe, and that’s when we become part of something life-changing, something world-changing.
This message stood out to me because I sometimes feel that there are people in my life who either admire me for what I do while cowering behind their own circumstances, or question my motives so that they won’t have to feel guilty about their own choices, as Max Lucado says.
There are many things that I fear in the world, things similar to what you fear. But I would encourage you to trust God enough to step out from your comfort zone into something unknown and possibly “unsafe”. Go on a missions trip to a third-world country! Invite your weird neighbour over and show them God’s loving hospitality. Offer to babysit the children of the “screaming mother” two houses down.
Oh the harvest you will reap when you sow in God’s love and faithfulness instead of your own! Can you hear the voice of adventure? Can you hear it? Answer it this time!
The Voice of Adventure
Those who try to keep their lives
will lose them. But those who give up
their lives will save them.
Luke 17:33
There is a rawness and a wonder to life. Pursue it. Hunt for it. Sell out to get it. Don’t listen to the whines of those who have settled for a second-rate life and want you to do the same so they won’t feel guilty. Your goal is not to live long; it’s to live.
Jesus says the options are clear. On one side there is the voice of safety. You can build a fire in the hearth, stay inside, and stay warm and dry and safe…
Or you can hear the voice of adventure—God’s adventure. Instead of building a fire in your hearth, build a fire in your heart. Follow God’s impulses. Adopt the child. Move overseas. Run for office. Make a difference. Sure it isn’t safe, but what is?
He Still Moves Stones
God isn’t safe! But he’s good! He’s not a librarian—he’s a lion! I believe that God offers us chances to trust him even when things don’t appear safe, and that’s when we become part of something life-changing, something world-changing.
This message stood out to me because I sometimes feel that there are people in my life who either admire me for what I do while cowering behind their own circumstances, or question my motives so that they won’t have to feel guilty about their own choices, as Max Lucado says.
There are many things that I fear in the world, things similar to what you fear. But I would encourage you to trust God enough to step out from your comfort zone into something unknown and possibly “unsafe”. Go on a missions trip to a third-world country! Invite your weird neighbour over and show them God’s loving hospitality. Offer to babysit the children of the “screaming mother” two houses down.
Oh the harvest you will reap when you sow in God’s love and faithfulness instead of your own! Can you hear the voice of adventure? Can you hear it? Answer it this time!
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