MuSiNgS... Should Syndrome: Are you Susceptible?

“Don’t should on yourself.”
Matt Atkins, Pastor, teaching at Slingshot Mexico 2004.

As the over-responsible oldest of six children (read: second parent), a Christian missionary representing an international organization, and an administratively gifted leader from a task-oriented culture who has always felt the pressure of others’ high expectations of me, I am a classic candidate for the Should Syndrome. I have a hard time releasing others and myself from the stringent guidelines of the Sarah Koopmans Life Rule Book.

If I were to make a comparative list, after the style of a pros and cons list but with the column headings “Should” and “Want”, it would look something like this:

Should
1. Obey all Traffic Rules to the letter as if my driving instructor was in the car with me
2. Not swear
3. Not drink
4. Be on time
5. Cover up everything when choosing my clothes
6. Raise my hands during worship at church
7. Close my eyes when praying
8. Be polite (and shallow?) always
9. Always work quickly and efficiently, anticipating and avoiding problems

Want
1. Signal only when absolutely necessary, speed a bit, cross the center lines when turning into a lane if I need to
2. Swear a bit, when applicable
3. Drink to remember, not to forget
4. Late happens
5. Have fun, not be afraid to highlight my femininity
6. Do whatever my God-given creativity inspires me to do right at that moment
7. Focus on communing with God, however that needs to be at that moment
8. Be real
9. Do the best I can


You can imagine how the list would continue, I’m sure, and you are probably thinking of things that would be on your own list. Yeah, that means I believe you have your own Life Rule Book with its own implied rewards and consequences.

It is my observation that “the world” (meaning those that don’t subscribe to the term “Christian”) sees only our “Should” lists when they think of “Christians” in general, whereas “Christians” in general strive to eliminate the “Want” list from our lives, at the risk of losing our testimony to that same “world”, or perhaps our salvation.

Can you see why trying to decide between these two credos could induce stress? I’m so desperate to live in the freedom of Christ, while at the same time walking the traditional cultural tightrope I’ve believed myself subject to for most of my twenty-five years. No wonder the concept of grace mystifies and thrills me—most of my experience is with the abrasive straightjacket of the law, with the “Shoulds”. My thought process is usually, “I’d like to…. But I really should….”, and often, the “should” ends up weighing more on my moral balance.

The apostle Paul’s statement, “Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial” (1 Cor 10:23) has given me an escape from many “should-ing” attempts, but because I’m not free of the fear of man, it’s very difficult to live freely when being observed by people that I know come from a similar tradition or culture. In fact, I feel more freedom when surrounded by “the world” than many groups of “Christians”.

I don’t have a precise, packaged solution to present to you, only the rawness of my doubts and disputing thoughts and reactions. Publicizing these thoughts is my commitment to make a concentrated effort to stop the “should” shower that threatens to rain out the parade of joy and freedom God gave me when me promised me eternal life and called me his own.

I’ve got the Should Syndrome. Are you susceptible?